Photons, Mang.

Every interaction you've ever had with anything in the universe has been in some way performed with photons. Anytime you affect the universe in a physical way photons, that only exist in a difficult to comprehend way, transmit the force. So, basically anytime you have sex you're really just fucking light. . . This reality is weird.

The Secrets of The Universe

Everyone is always searching for the secrets of the universe but good luck finding any useful universal secrets. Most of them are something like the number of pennies never to be used as currency or ever even touched by a member of our current species again. It's a quite large number.

Like, Sorry, I guess, uh.

As a former and future god I would like to apologize for some bad things I did when I was behind the wheel of the universe, well really its more of a joy stick but still. 
First to the peoples of Blit'th you had finally attained world peace. . . Yeah. I kinda mucked up that first part of that. The world part that is. Though I'd argue you are as, if not more, peaceful now that you aren't alive. I was like really tired that day and I went out to get a quick frappe, you guys have had bad days at work and long story short suddenly you guys are in a black hole. . . Hahaha yeah. . . Sooo, I mean maybe you guys could've like given me more support or just even asked me how I was doing. *Sigh*

Shit's Cray.

The eternal march of time is ending. Soon the great white god will tire and fall. Without him you will be mine. Time will be mine. So, I'd suggest doing some fun stuff. Like uh, I dunno oppress someone or some shit? I'm not really up on pop human activities and you guys seem to really be into that.

KIDZ RULE!

My PR guy says I need to start appealing to children. . . Hey, uh, kids do you hate waking up early for church? Well squigemdoo! I do too! That's why I started my own church! We only meet just after school and do awesome things like Animals and Knives Fun Time, Person Dust Consecration, and Super DNFS® Magic Hour. Come by today but don't tell those lamos that raised you. I'm the only father you need!

#PlansRuined

In the true grand scheme of the universe you're petty squabbles are nothing more than ant droppings. That being said I move we start working to eradicate all ant poop... Wait fuck, I forgot that your causal congruencies don't allow for realized metaphor. Ugh, if you guys could give me a week I'll come up with a new way to create world peace for y'all.

The *Cough* Fundamental Forces of Nature

The other night I went clubbing with the four fundamental forces of nature. I got down with gravity. Blew it up with the nuclear strong force. Electromagnetism snorted coke off some stripper's ass and had a threesome with said stripper and the nuclear weak force. Then nuclear weak force shot up with the stripper and od'd. Winners don't do drugs, kids.
 But hey, since weak force is dead I don't think you guys can get radiation poisoning anymore. . . or geothermal power. It's a give and take guys at least reality isn't falling apart yet!